An Unsympathetic Obituary for "News of the World"

Today, News Corp., the mega media conglomerate, did England and the world a great favor by shutting down the sewage-filled rag that is the News of the World. James Murdoch, the Chief Executive of News Corp., announced this afternoon that News of the World will print its last edition this Sunday. The abrupt shutdown comes in light of an ever growing phone hacking scandal that has further diminished the tabloid's already deplorable reputation. On Monday, The Guardian reported that Scotland Yard had obtained evidence suggesting that the News of the World had hired private investigators to hack into the cell phone of Milly Dowler, a British schoolgirl who was abducted and later found murdered in 2002. According to the report, these private investigators went further than simply hacking into the phone. They also deleted several voicemail messages, which potentially hampered the police's investigation into Dowler's disappearance. News of the World has also been accused of hacking into the phones of celebrities, politicians, and victims of the 7/7 bombings in London. An investigation into the soon defunct World's alleged misdoings is now underway, and charges against many of the top editors are expected in the coming weeks.

News of the World is one of the world's longest running "newspapers", if we must use that term. The paper's first edition was printed on October 1, 1843. When it finally ceases operations on July 10th, it will have been in circulation for 168 years. An impressive feat, to be sure. According to recent statistics, it is can easily be considered the most read "newspaper" in Britain today, with a sickening circulation of nearly 3 million copies per week. At one point during the 1950's it had the highest paper circulation in the world, will around 9 million copies sold weekly. Because of the World's massive circulation and historical significance, it's sudden disappearance from newsstands and grocery store checkout counters will surely be recognized, and even missed by many mindless blockheads.

Large readership notwithstanding, News of the World is, and always was, a deplorable rag that disgraced the concept of "news". Ever since the paper's inception, it's main focus has been on the promotion (and, on many occasions, the creation) of petty gossip. In the 1800's, it was known for its raunchy coverage of sex scandals and the micro analyzation of public figures, a gaudy and intellectually demeaning tradition that unfortunately served the paper well, even in its dying days. The phone hacking scandal is what finally slayed this brain-cell consuming beast, but before it came a myriad of other instances in which libel, slander, and other tomfoolery masqueraded as investigative journalism. Take, for example, the story involving English soccer player Ashley Cole in 2006, in which the World alleged that he used his cell phone as an...instrument of personal gratification. The story was a complete lie, and Cole was paid £100,000 in damages by the World's publishers. Another example of their reckless, uninhibited "reporting" is their 2000 "name and shame" pedophiles campaign. Although the campaign may have had some good intentions, it was at best a misguided concept driven by emotion, and at worst an all out witch hunt that damaged the reputations of numerous people. Several individuals were falsely accused of being pedophiles, including a doctor who had her house trashed by an angry mob of World-reading lemmings. Law enforcement officials referred to the campaign as "grossly irresponsible".

News of the World's final misdeed was perhaps its worst. Hacking into and tampering with average citizens' phones for the sole purpose of finding some "juicy details" for a new exploitative article is disgusting and unacceptable. It takes a lot of arrogance and an amoralist outlook to hack into a murdered girl's phone and delete potential clues to her death without any qualms whatsoever. Going after a corrupt banker or a scheming politician is one thing, but preying on the grieving victims of a terrorist attack is a whole different story. Anyone associated with this scandal should be arrested and put in jail for a long time. The destructive behavior displayed by these self proclaimed editors and reporters has no place in professional journalism.

So, after 168 slimy years, News of the World has died, suddenly and unexpectedly. It has not so much suffered from a fall from grace as it suffered from slipping off the toilet seat onto the grimy floor of a public restroom. After feeding countless generations of the lowest common denominator, those sad, mindless fools will have to get their sadomasochistic fixings from some other bottom feeding publication, most likely The Sun. News of the World will not be missed by me, and it should certainly not be missed by you either. Today, humanity has been liberated from one of the dumbing down forces that have perverted our society.

Today is a day for celebration.